im standing in the fire and you turn your back on me

This
is how i feel right now.




no one appreciates
or
reciprocates.

NO ONE.

The words that I was told and the way I am being treated makes me want to curse and swear and scream in everyone's faces. I want to know, tell me, should I cease talking altogether and be an unfeeling asshole?

Its not such a bad idea because, this way, I do not have to face perils of the reciprocation that I would receive. I realised that I am always the one to "be there", rush out the minute my "friends" don't feel good or get into trouble, the one who is always bailing you guys out. Well of course, no one would stand bail on me when I feel like shit or when I am in shit.

I am not your punching bag.
I feel betrayal.

Perhaps you guys would like to check on my bank of feelings
and school of thought?
Yeah, I am not allowed to feel this way.
Its wrong, but go ahead, it is perfectly fine for you to feel like this.

I hate your friends who treat you guys without just but when the same shit happens to me,
how many actually do the same for me?

You're shortchanging me, don't you think?

I did not ask for this.
Conversely, maybe I did.
Letting you guys push me between the lines of fiction and reality - "Fiction" when you need my help and "reality" when you feel like kicking me out of your interesting life, into the pile of ragged dolls.

My face scarred with streaks. I don't want a heart. I want to translate into a state of numbness and prescribed euphoria.

At the end of the day, you'll insist that I am asking for self-exiled incarceration and I will gladly though sadly accept it.